Who knew that this year, having our son and daughter, their spouses, and grandbabies together in Gulf Shores would be our Family’s “healing process?” I found it strange that in all the years we have been coming to the shore for Thanksgiving family vacation, this was the 1st time we had our son and daughter, their spouses, and grandbabies with us. No one could have orchestrated this, but God. Yet! We fought fevers between 105 and 102 flu-like symptoms the entire time we were there. It was as if the Spirit of God was keeping us united, contained, yet quarantined from any foreign object, not to mention the almost severed toe that kept the ones without fevers and flu-like symptoms from walking around on the beach (long story). But this is where this blog post is going, it is intended to bless and encourage those of us struggling with generational curses and toxic family behavior. My prayer is that this post will give you the courage to letting it be. Letting go of things, people, and places that threatened your families healing or maybe even blocked your family’s recovery.

WARNING! Be careful when you pray. Asking God to show you areas of your life you need to let be—let go. Holding on to things, people, and places that keep you in a perpetual state of dysfunction. Giving time and attention to things that no longer serve you but hinders you from being the best authentic version of yourself, keeps you from working on yourself, protecting your inner peace, and fueling your faith in moving forward as a family unit.

When our children were little, it was easy to overlook why over 50 family members could gather in one place and not engage one another, or if they did, why someone was always taking offense to something said, not said, or being offended by something they overheard. Now that our children are adults with their families and life experiences, we are now grandparents, which comes with responsibilities and priorities. Sayin’ nothing about what wounds the soul and breaks the heart is no longer acceptable because you can only hide a sore under a band-aid for so long. As adults with children of their own now, they want to know why “Family doesn’t act like Family.”

We have made this place our “nuclear” Family’s Thanksgiving vacation spot for several years. It was easy to avoid the elephants in the condos or sidestep the massive pile of generational family issues, feuds, and drama that had been swept underneath the rug when there was a vast, beautiful beach to escape on. And if we saw each other on the beach, in the elevators, or spent a brief moment together, it was done with shallow pleasantries.

So, as an elder of our “nuclear family,” you try your best to explain the problematic toxicity in the family relationships that have been allowed to breed for years and why, as a family, we keep investing in being open and available to unfounded accusations, where the benefit of the doubt is no longer an option and the slightest mention of taking responsibility for toxic behavior is like making someone drink from the Jim Jones red solo cup. Then, why are we here??? they ask… If no one talks or gets along, if every interaction with a family member only ends up creating more drama, stress, unwanted anxiety, and pain…WHY ARE WE HERE?! Because it seems like no one wants to get a long…be healed.

As hard as this is to write about and choose my words as prayerfully as possible, I have to admit that no one in my extended Family, “kindred Family,” wants to be healed. My Family is one where you can’t throw a rock without hitting a Pastor, Minister, Bishop, Evangelist, Prophetess, or Christian Recording Artist… No one wants to be healed.
Sadly, I have failed to acknowledge this and painfully admit these hard truths to my son and daughter, who are now adults with their own families. It was even more challenging to admit to my children’s spouses and myself that I had allowed the essence of our Nuclear Family.

The parent-child relationship, the sacredness of our family time being together, to be spent among kindred who don’t want to be Family, get along, make amends…, and be healed. Yes, we share the same blood running warm through our veins. We all traveled from near and far to be in this space and time, which makes everyone accessible to love one another, bond with one another, and share generational family stories, family history, and testimonies of how good God has been to all of us. But because there is no loyalty, love, or respect for one another, this makes some of us targets, sitting ducks and scapegoats, for those of us unwilling to see this time as an opportunity to be healed.

For the very 1st time in my 56 years of life, I can admit that I don’t have healthy boundaries, which put those I love in harm’s way. I know this to be true because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom – 2 Corinthians 3:17 and the proven fact that God is not the author of confusion. You see, what I now know to be true is that I was being loyal to an idea of a “family” that only existed in my beloved Hallmark Movies. But in God’s loving-kindness, the things I was willing to overlook, put up with, and make excuses for, by the GRACE of God, He allowed me to raise adults who will not

They know how to let go unapologetically; their boundaries are incredibly healthy, unlike mine… weak and bullied over the years and loyal to a fault. But this Thanksgiving Family Vacation gave me more than just a fever of 102, chills and body aches. It created a situation that asked me, “Do YOU want to be healed?” My “nuclear family” has been through a lot this year. We were looking forward to this time together being a source of peace and comfort from all the emotional battles most of us had been dealing with throughout the year… we wanted to rest, some of us coming out of recovery (metaphorically speaking), and just wanted to hold on to their healing. But I, in my need for people-pleasing, put them in an unsafe space that harmed that… Father God, please forgive me.  

But thank God for Grace and for teaching me that there is freedom in letting go and accepting the elephants in the room. It’s perfectly okay to trip over or walk around that pile of generational family drama swept under the rug. Why? Because Healing is available to EVERYONE! They can hold onto what’s keeping them bitter, or they can let it go and choose to be better, be a family that’s healed.

So LET GO! LET. IT. BE! Especially if there is no change, loyalty, love, or respect for your “nuclear family” amongst its kindred. I say “Nuclear Family” because family members will read this and once again become offended at the beautiful realization that the Spirit of God revealed to me over my Thanksgiving family vacation to the shore.

But there is no healing for those who embrace excuses

LaShaun Jackson

I love the story in the Bible, in John 5, of the man who lay helplessly by the pool of Bethesda. This wasn’t just any pool. There was a rumor that angels periodically stirred the water, and whoever dove in first received miraculous Healing. People came from all over for a chance to participate in this event.

But, there was this one man, sick with the same disease he had for thirty-eight years, and he couldn’t ever make it to the pool fast enough. It was a hopeless situation for him. But Jesus came and, as always, did what only he could do and changed everything. “When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?”

If you skim this, it’s almost a “duh” moment. Like, “bruhhhhh, no disrespect, Jesus, but of course, he wants to be healed.” But does he tho?

Do You Want to Be Healed?

John 5

Jesus, in all His grace and mercy, gave the crippled man a double blessing. He healed his body, and He also awakened his heart. Gave this man back a sense of purpose and freed him from the bonds of self-pity, pride, ego, fear, discouragement, hopelessness, and resignation, all in one amazingly effective command. “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.”

This is why I love Jesus and this story in the Bible: Healing is available if We want it! But you have people who don’t; we have family members that don’t. They will even make you feel bad for trying to protect your healing. 

But here’s what I love about this story even more. Jesus didn’t soothe this man. He didn’t pat him on the shoulder, saying, “Oh bless your heart,” and offer to piggyback him down into the pool. He didn’t give up on him, either, and said, “Well, better luck next time, bruh.” Nor did he bring down a host of angels from heaven in a grand pomp and circumstance performance. Nope! Jesus did something so much more powerful. He invited the man to participate in his own healing process.

Now that I am a grandmother, with fewer years in front of me than behind me. I’m willing to admit that this Thanksgiving family vacation to the shore, as beautiful as it was, my healing process. A process that tired me, and through the fever, chills and body ache made me realize that no matter how hard I try to create opportunities for family peace, love, unity, and reconciliation, there will always be, and I mean ALWAYS! Be someone who doesn’t want it – want to be healed. No longer am I interested in make unhappy people happy and making unacceptable behavior acceptable for the sake of “Family” at the cost of my own. I’m tired of running around on the playground of life, like a little kid with her new shine ball, hoping the bullies would for once want to play with us, and THIS TIME! Play fair. Or better yet, I’m “Kelly Price Tired.” Look that song up, it will bless your soul!

Nevertheless, I am tired, my arms are weak, and my hands hurt from pushing and pulling the weight of bitter family members’ drama. Like my grandmother would say, “It’s time for everyone to push and pull their own wagons.” I’m moving forward, letting go, and letting it be! Because I want my Healing, I want to protect the recovery and Healing of those I love. I have decided to “Get up, take up my bed, and let it be.” I have to for the sake of my personal well-being, my mental health, for the sake of my two grandbabies and for all my wind sisters who follow my journey and adventures of riding the Good Ride of Faith. They deserve a grandmother, who is healed, mentally healthy, and spiritually mature… Not perfect. But healed. 

We haven’t been together like this since my Mother-in-law passed away in 2018. So, believe me when I tell you, GOD HAD MOVED MOUNTAINS! To get us all together this Thanksgiving. And I had to ask myself the tough questions that I’m sure everyone must struggle to ask this time of year: when it comes to family gatherings during the holidays.

Do I keep putting band-aids on family wounds that don’t want to heal? Do I keep putting myself and my Family’s Healing back on the operating table and have their hurts and wounds that God has recovered us from, violently ripped back open every time we gather with our kindred, our extended Family? After all, Family is who you make Family and who is willing to be Family in the true sense. In other words, “Don’t forsake those who want to be family for the sake of those that don’t act like family.”

And why do we give toxic family members a free pass anyway??? Why do we tolerate such hurtful behavior from them time and time again just because they are “Family”? Why are they embraced and given the benefit of the doubt, time and time again, and their victims become the family outcast.

For years, I have struggled with addressing the elephants in the room. Should I call people out on their bull-junk for once and just be done? Should I throw back the rug, kick the pile of family drama all over the room, and let the chips fall where they may, or do I just let go, let it be, and say yes to my Healing and protect the peace of my Family? Is the conversation even worth having, as time has revealed over the years that nothing has or will ever change? Do I need to speak my peace or just let it be?
Then, I came across this quote by an unknown author.

It’s hard to admit that my Family, as churched as we are, Doesn’t LOVE like we should… BUT GOD! His love is unconditional, unfailing, and everlasting, and it WON’T change! He makes it easy to pray and ask for Healing, for the strength to remove the things and issues of life that keep us tied to the things that continually hurt us. But are we ready to let go of all the excuse? Do YOU want to be healed? And are we ready to let things be, let go of our security blanket… the things, people, and places that hinder our Healing, and give God access to move us beyond our wounded places? Because at the end of the day, nothing and no one is worth our Healing and our Recovery, and no one should keep you from being healed and staying healed.

Listen, I don’t know if my extended family will ever be healed from petty grudges, spiritual abuse, and years of generational drama. But I do know this… Every day, God’s mercies are new, and new mercy brings a choice to change and a chance to say YES! To Jesus’s question… “Do YOU want to be healed?” 

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

So, as we make our way toward 2024, let go! Let it be! Declare God’s protection for your family’s healing and mental health and let go of anything keeping you from being healed, staying recovered and riding the Good Ride of Faith in 2024

Let us Pray!

Father God, I come before You today tired and weary from holding on to things, people, and places that I should have released to You. My need to please, overlook, and remain silent to toxic, abusive family behavior has caused stress and anxiety in my life and the lives of those I love.

Father God, I acknowledge that I have been holding onto the expectation that time heals all wounds and that people change over time. But real change comes from loving you, knowing you, and surrendering my burden to you. Father God, grant me the strength to let go of grudges and walk in the freedom of forgiveness.

Father God, I know that Your love, mercy, and grace are more significant than any pain, disappointment, or unmet expectations I may carry, so I’m letting them go and letting them be. I know hurt people hurt people, so Father God, love the hurt away of those who are hurting and knowing and unknowingly hurt others.

Father God, release me; help me let go of the anger, fear, disappointment, bitterness, resentment, the need to please, and the expectation of wanting loyalty, love, and respect from family members unable and unwilling to give it. Father God, your love and grace are greater than any pain or disappointment I may carry. So, strengthen my resolve to let it be. From this day forward, I surrender all these emotional pains to You.
In Jesus Names, I pray,
Amen

May the Joy of the Lord instantly become your strength to encourage you to overcome any fears that you might experience. Remember, in our daring to be brave, when we throw caution to the wind, casting our cares in Faith upon Him through the ride. Peace, love, and joy are set loose in the atmosphere, and it permits other riders to do the same. Allowing us to all rejoice in knowing we have triumphant victory in Riding the Good Ride of Faith – LaShaun & Mrs. Cavatica

If this post ministered to you or encourage you in any way, please share with your fellow Wind Sistahs.